Two versions of me

Early morning run in beautiful East Yorkshire

Well it is nearly two weeks since the half – so what have I been doing?  Not much!  Or at least it doesn’t feel like it.  I’ve run five times since then – furthest of 4 miles and including one hill repeats session with club.  This doesn’t really feel like very much, and I think I should be doing more…….

Tonight I’m going to my first ever track session !  I will also be joined by my teenage son (shock) and I’m really pleased that he is coming with me.

I’ve kind of decided that I’m going to concentrate on shorter distances at the moment, but then I read a blog post that made me question my motivation for this decision.  I struggled with the distance this time – maybe I hadn’t given it enough respect, I’m not sure.  So is it fear that is stopping me doing another?

The blog I read is from Rachel Cullen and you can find it here.

“I have a persistent inner battle. It’s a battle that sometimes I win, and sometimes, I lose. It’s based on two versions of myself”

This sentence caught my attention as it could have been written about me.  I read on, and I’ll be honest, it nearly made me cry.  Rachel had articulated just how I feel sometimes.  I read the following paragraph out to my boyfriend and he agreed how it sounded just like me – not that he agreed it is me, but that is how I think of myself, how I don’t believe in myself.

“The old version: She can’t run. She’s unfit. She hides herself away, and tells herself she can’t do it – that it’s beyond her. She doesn’t put herself on the starting line. She’s afraid to try. She can’t face the possibility of failing. She wishes she could be braver, but she doesn’t know how. She doesn’t want to look foolish: it would hurt too much.”

Go over to Rachel’s blog and read the rest of the post, I’m hoping that I’ve learnt something from it and that I can try and make sure the ‘new version’ wins as much as possible.

Do you have any self confidence tips? 


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