Nine years ago today I’d just got married. Little did I know on that day that the marriage wouldn’t last very long and I’d be hurt in a way that I never thought would happen. (In hindsight there were definitely warning signs that I should have paid heed to).
Last night I watched the first episode of Mind Over Marathon on BBC. From what I’d already read on social media I knew that the programme would be emotional but what I didn’t expect was to recognise myself in what was been spoken about.
I watched the programme with my other half, someone who knows me better than I know myself ! He was a friend for many years before becoming my significant other and had to watch as my marriage fell apart and the affect that had on me. Once, many years ago, he did broach the subject of depression and wondered if it would be a good idea for me to visit my GP. I brushed this off in my typical stubborn manner… ‘I can’t be depressed, I’m still functioning’ ‘I can still be happy sometimes’ ‘I can’t be ill, I’ve got to look after my child’ (as if anyone ever makes the choice to be ill…). And I never did go to the GP. I’m lucky in that I did have some support and I know now I was being watched / monitored / worried about, whatever you want to call it, in case things deteriorated with my mental health.
Rhian on the programme, who had suffered the loss of her child and husband within five days, was describing herself and the way she was ‘coping’. My other half looked at me and said that I was very similar to this lady. And yes I can see that my coping strategies are very similar. Very good at pushing grief / pain / upset away as you daren’t / can’t / won’t face it. Rhian, you are an incredibly brave woman. To share your story and your journey with others is a huge step to take.
I think of myself as lucky that I found running when I did. Running definitely helps with my mental health. I have run and cried many a time. I’ve run to get rid of the physical feelings of frustration. Running helps!